Phunny Affairs
by Persianheart
Summary: A bunch of ramdom storied about the Phantom charaters. Full summary inside. Contains original POTO charaters and charaters from Mme. Phantom. But you didn't have to read Mme. Phantom to think it's funny. Please review!
1. A Breif Description

A Brief Explanation:

Ok, so for those who don't know I just completed writing the story _Mme. Phantom_ (Yes, this is important). I was on the computer one day looking up spoofs, and that's when it hit me. I should spoof my own story and the original! Many different situations came to mind, but they were all so short that they couldn't be published separately. So, this is a collection of a bunch of short stories involving all the characters from the original and characters form _Mme. Phantom_. It's pretty random, and it might not make sense unless you read _Mme. Phantom _first. So that you don't get confused, the characters can exist in any time and any place; hence the randomness. Here are the new characters for all those who did not read _Mme. Phantom_:

Erika: The Phantom/Erik's and Christine's Daughter. Has a deformation of the left side of her face that she covers with her thick curly brown hair. Singer and composer, alright with drawing and art, but not amazing. Fell in love with James.

Christon: The phantom/Erik's and Christine's Son, Erika's brother. Handsome. Alive here but deceased in _Mme. Phantom_. Amazing artist and architect. Loves Ida.

James: Neighbor of the Viscount de Changy's family. Handsome, but shallow. Loved Justine and Erika.

Justine: Servant in the Viscount de Changy's household. Blonde. Loves James.

Ida: Servant in the Viscount de Changy's household. Shy. Aspiring chef and she is a good cook. Erika's best friend/ only friend. Loves Christon.

Change: Raoul/Christine's son. Bookworm. James's friend.

Vincent: Raoul/Christine's son and Change's brother. Stupid, his abilities lie in his strength. James' friend.

And, of course, all of the characters from the original! Thanks for bearing with me!

**WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!**

Rated T for:

Mild Sexual References and Some Swearing


	2. Collection 1

Phunny Affairs Collection 1:

_The Date: Erik asks Madam Giry, Part 1: Asking the Question_

Erika sat with her father in the theatre. Box Five was extremely nice, and an extremely amazing seat to watch the performance. Madame Giry walked in. "Ah, Madam Giry" stated her father.

"I have your program, monsieur." She stated timidly holding out the booklet.

"Yes, yes. Thank you." He took the program, turning his eyes back to the performance.

"Yes, monsieur, Thank you, monsieur." She curtsied and left the box, and Erika caught her blush as she left.

"She thinks you're hot."

"What?" her father looked at her as if she were from Mars.

"She likes you. You seriously didn't pick that up?"

"She always acts that way." He was trying to rationalize this.

"Nuh-uh; only around you."

"She does not."

There was a moment of silence, which Erika broke. "You should ask her out."

"What?!"

"Sure, go ask her out. I promise you'll have fun."

"Well, I-" but Erika had already knocked on the door of the box, signaling that they needed assistance. She smirked. They could hear her footsteps coming down the hallway. He got nervous. "But, what if she says no?" he worried.

"Come on, she won't say no. Who could say no to you?"

"Your mother said no!"

"Yeah, but she's stupid, so it doesn't count."

At that moment, Madam Giry opened the door. "Yes, Monsieur?"

"Um…" he looked to Erika, who just raised her eyebrows as if to say, 'well, go on'. "Would you um… maybe… if it's not… too much trouble… go out to dinner… sometime… with me…?"

"R-really?"

"Yes…"

"Well, um where…?"

Erika cut in. "_l'appui-petits _tomorrow night at eight o'clock! You already have reservations."

They stared at her. Madam Giry hastily agreed that she would see him there and left. Her father just stared at her, exasperated. "You've been planning this for a while, haven't you?" She just smiled, unconvincingly at him.

"Maybe…"

He sighed, and shook his head.

_What's Behind the Curtain?: An Awkward Surprise_

"Welcome one and all to the hit television game show, 'What's Behind the Curtain?'!" Meg was perfect for hosting this show because of her springy voice and model-like figure. "Tonight our special guest is Erika Daae! What have you to say to the masses, Erika?"

Erika was seated in a red chair on stage right that matched the three curtains on the wall behind her. "Um, what the heak am I doing here?"

"Why, you're on a game show!"

"The only game show I've ever watched is 'Deal or No Deal', and it was pretty lame. I can't fathom why they would choose a bald man for a host. And he's not very pretty."

"Let's move on, shall we?"

"Sure…"

"Alright Erika, the time has come for you to pick a curtain!"

"What's the point of this?"

"Behind one of the curtains is the million dollar prize! But behind the others are much smaller, worthless things."

"What's a dollar…?"

"Alright Erika, choose your curtain!"

"Um, Number Two?"

The curtain pulled away to reveal a box of chocolates. "Ohh, I'm so sorry. But, thanks for playing!" Erika was handed her worthless prize.

"Um, you're welcome?"

"Now it's time to see what's behind the other curtains? Curtain Number One!"

This one lifted to expose a worthless box of holiday cards with Meg's face on them. "And, finally, Curtain Number Three!"

The red fabric was drawn away, and everyone gasped. Sitting on top of the table behind the curtain was not the million dollar check, which was lying on the floor. The Phantom and Christine were behind it, making out. "Dad!" yelled Erika.

He looked up. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Um, nothing."

"Nothing! You're making out with Mom, who so happens to be married, on live television!"

"Oh. Can't the television find somewhere else to go? I'm a little busy here."

"Yeah, I can see that. I'm glad we caught you when we did, because I can see mom's over shirt on the floor!"

"And we'll see you next time for, 'What's Behind the Curtain?'!" Meg was trying desperately not to embarrass herself more.

The feed was cut just after Christine said, "Next time, I pick where we do it!"

_The Difference Is…: The Difference between Christine and Erika_

Scenario 1:

Christine wakes up in the Phantom's Lair. She looks to her right and sees the pull string for the curtain. She pulls the string and the curtain rises revealing a rat.

"Hey Baby" Says the Rat.

Christine Screams.

Scenario 2:

Erika wakes up in the Phantom's Lair. She looks to her right and sees the pull string for the curtain. She pulls the string and the curtain rises revealing a rat.

"Hey Baby" says the Rat.

"Hey sexy" replies Erika.


	3. Collection 2

Collection 2:

_The Date: Erik asks Madam Giry, Part 2: Getting Ready_

"How long is it going to take you to get ready, dad?" Erika asked impatiently. Her father was in front of one of the many floor length mirrors in the lair. He had an assortment of ties lying on the table. Some were long, some were bow ties, and some were ascots. She glared at him. "It's taken three hours for you to get ready."

"So?" he held up a blue tie, then a red tie.

Erika shook her head. "I'm a girl. It takes me all of three minutes to get ready for a normal day, and ten minutes to get ready for a ball!"

"Well, I'm nervous. I've never been on a date before."

"Not even with mom?"

"No."

She came up and took the green tie he was now holding out of his hand. "You're telling me that you never dated mom? Not once?" she glared at him accusingly.

"It was a complicated relationship. May I have my tie back?"

"No. You look better without it."

"Fine."Erika sighed in relief that his clothing confliction was now over. "Now which mask?"

She groaned. "Go with classic white! That's the best one!"

"Are you sure?" he asked as he eyed the drawer with a collection of various masks in it.

"Yes!" she was yelling now.

"Don't be so dramatic. It's just clothes."

Erika groaned and flopped down on her bed.

_A Night at the Theatre: Seeing Phantom of the Opera_

"Why exactly are we sneaking out of the theatre? The play is over." Erika was sneaking along with her father, who was hidden in what little shadows of the hallway there was.

"Because for some reason every time I go see a play I get mobbed by a screaming pack of girls."

"Um, duh! The Phantom of the Opera is sex on legs!"

He stared at her. "That is the creepiest thing you've ever said to me."

"Well, not you! I don't think you're sex on legs 'cause that's just gross I mean you're my father!" she rambled. "But Michael Crawford," she sighed dreamily. "Mmm."

"That is the creepiest thing you've ever said to me."

"Look, it's Michael Crawford!" They were spotted by a group of girls wearing various Phantom t-shirts. The girl with the _Prima Donna_ shirt had cried out, and appeared to be their leader.

"No, I'm not! I'm, um Gerard Butler?"

They squealed and ran up to him. Erika watched her father disappear under a mass of screaming Phans, who carried him off and around the corner. She turned around. "Alright, Michael. They're gone."

Michael Crawford appeared from behind a nearby trash can. "Thanks for hiding me."

"No problem. Wanna catch a movie?"

"Sure. How about _Hello Dolly_?"

"Sound good to me!" They linked arms and strolled away.

Author's Note: For all those who don't know, Michael Crawford was in the movie version of _Hello Dolly_. He played Cornelius Hackl.

_Can I Ask a Question?: How was I…born…?, Part 1: Christine's View_

"Hey, mom?" Erika was sitting next to her mother. She knew her question was awkward, and was not sure how to proceed.

"Yes?"

"Um, how was I, um… born?"

Christine blushed. "Well, you see, um…" she took a deep breath. "A man has a-"

"No! No, no, no, that's not what I meant." Erika was blushing now too. "I know _how_ that happens but I wanted to know, um, about the circumstances… surrounding … what happened."

"Oh." Christine was somewhat relieved that she didn't have to have 'The Talk' with Erika. "Well, um. It happened like this…

I woke up. From what I could see it was the middle of the night, but, who knows? I looked next to me and saw a rat. I screamed, and _he_ came running. After he had scared it away, he sat down on the bed. I told him I was fine and asked him to leave, but he refused. He got closer, and closer, and closer to me until I was most uncomfortable. Then he…

"Yeah, I get it mom!" interrupted Erika before she could muster the courage to go further.

"There." Christine seemed more relaxed now that the story was out. "You see? I had no choice in the matter at all!" She seemed quite pleased with herself in fact. But Erika wasn't so sure. She intended to ask her father his side of it the next chance she got.


End file.
